Part 21: What have I discovered?
Originally Published: Sunday October 27th, 2013
So its about time I wrote a bit more about what happened over the last couple of weeks. I had an awesome time in Steubenville, unwinding, watching TV, hanging out with mates. Oh how I missed the company of menfolk! I literally spent two weeks with women. Which was wonderful but I have never been that long without the company of boys in my life.
All that aside, I spent a lot of time in prayer. No? You don’t say? Yeah, yeah I know… stating the obvious right? On Wednesday I was having a bit of a hard time. I was frustrated and anxious with this whole thing. I just wanted a damn answer! Is that too much to ask? So anyway… around rolled 5pm and it was time for Holy Hour so I went and I threw it (none too gently) at Jesus.
Well I can’t really explain what happened… but it hit me. I was such an idiot. The answer was sitting right in front of me on the altar, Jesus. He was it. It didn’t matter what I did or who I became. He was the answer, I keep him right there in front of me and nothing else matters. I almost started laughing. The clarity was such a relief, such a weight lifted from my soul. It didn’t matter what was ahead, I knew who would be at the centre of it, no matter how good or bad the future might be.
I was safe in his care. He had me by the hand and was taking me on this adventure. Whenever I tripped, it was because I wasn’t watching him, I was looking back or somewhere else. But he’d still pick me up and carry on…
So I did have some clarity by the end of the week. When discerning a vocation, there are two questions, question a) do you have a religious vocation? and b) to which community do you belong? The whole time I was with the Mercies. I fell in love with the way they do things, their Charism and their mission. So question b) has an answer, but not question a). I left the Mercies with a sense an image of Jesus sitting there, smirking and saying “Wait for it…. wait for it….”I gave Jesus 6 months, and he’s going to use every minute of it. The next adventure is with the Sisters of Life next week. Hopefully he won’t keep me in suspense much longer!